A fiver’s worth

Day 41
Schemes active/complete: 30
Money made: £23.78

Into the twenties now! I could afford to purchase a reasonable blender with that sort of moolah, and it’s only taken me 6 weeks, hundreds of hours of online labour and the potential loss of my soul!

My £8 payment was thanks to Slicethepie who had settled their tab a week earlier than expected which came as a pleasant surprise today. Obviously this is Lord Matthew Christopher Rose typing for whom every glimmer of good fortune is swiftly balanced out by a needless karmic punch to the neck, and hilariously just as I can draw a line under this scheme I received an email from them to say for a limited time every review in the Homeware category is good for a minimum of 17 cents. Naturally they waited a little over a day after I was trudging through countless reviews of Belieber merch for 4 cents a time before they announced that opportunity.

Regardless, Scheme #23: Become a music reviewer – WORKS. It stands up as a functional and reasonably speedy way of scraping money together, and if you owed a drug dealer £30 else he’s taking your prostate as collateral then you could chain yourself to your laptop and trundle out thousands of reviews for a solid 12 hours and that much-needed cash could be yours by the next day. Hell if you like listening to music from new and independent artists, or simply telling new and independent artists that their songs are dogshit, then you might even enjoy yourself with this scheme.

The other news is that excitingly my standardly sociopathic bus driver today handed me this £5 note in change:

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Just a regular new polymer £5 note with Winston’s trademark constipated scowl on it, right? Wrong! Look at how that serial number begins – AK37! That’s almost AK47! And that’s a type of gun!!!

This is Scheme #144: Sell some funny money, namely currency which has some form of imperfection or quality which makes it a collectible. Undated 20ps sell for around £70, 10ps mistakenly pressed into a 2p mint can fetch upwards of a grand, and there are £2 coins with the typo “Pemember Pemember the Fifth of November” which are worth many dozens of times their face value too.

With the new unrippable, unvegan plastic fivers certain serial numbers have bestowed them with a value exceeding £5, such as the very first batch which boast a virginal AA01 code and have sold for over £200. Notes simply with the sequence 007 somewhere in the serial number are said to have been snapped up by rabid James Bond fans for up to £5,000 which I find head-clutchingly bewildering, how can you like Bond that much??

As for £5 notes with a code which commences AK47, a touching headnod to that most beloved of Soviet assault rifles, those have sold on eBay for £80,000! Admittedly the buyer transpired to be a cocaine dealer who actually never paid up (I feel even slimier than normal using The Sun as a reference link now they’re trying to write an exposé on me moonlighting as a traffic warden thanks to the all-round disaster Scheme #233 has turned out to be, but there we are), and I concede this fact does put a dampener on the scheme, but thankfully the publicity this has generated has boosted the value of similar notes such as AK48 and AK37. This is what I intend to cash in on, and even though my one reputable source on this claims “AK47 [notes] have reached a bogus price on internet auction/selling sites.  Hyped up by bogus sellers, getting friends to bid on them. They do not actually sell,” I will be listing this note on Gumtree and eBay and seeing what sort of interest I can drum up, hopefully not from trolling coke mules.

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