The answering machine

Day 16
Schemes active/complete: 17
Money made: £0.26

Obviously the sheer notion of updating this blog every other day if not every day has firmly been quashed, but really the last 6 days haven’t amounted to much. You may have noticed I’m 10p richer, predictably thanks to Scheme #61 which is the only way I’ve made anything thus far – I found a 5p in my local HSBC branch and on the same evening another 5p in the pub, so now I can afford half a pack of Super Noodles.

The reason for my silence is as I have been concentrating on Weegy, the website which pings their “experts” (including yours truly) questions asked by its users, disdainfully chucking us a handful of pennies per correct answer. This has turned out to be the only method to achieve Scheme #31: Answering stranger’s questions, having been rebuffed by AQA and 118118, and a more tiresome process I couldn’t imagine. Weegy has a $20 minimum payout which is shelled out on the 1st of the month, and I was keen to get this scheme out of the way in January so have spent the last week essentially living on this site and churning out replies to as many questions as I can.

This has averaged out to answering something like 30 questions an evening, already a tall order when you can easily sit for 20 minutes without a single question rolling in, but made worse when I realised Weegy deducts money from your account if an answer is flagged as incorrect. Fair enough as a deterrent to poorly researched answers, but sometimes they’re deemed wrong even when they’re unequivocally correct; I was asked which is most alkaline out of milk, stomach acid or oven cleaner, I answered oven cleaner (which it is, it definitely is), Weegy said NOPE and docked my funds!

During this period I was asked predominantly dry questions on the government or Macbeth or the D.N.A of an onion – the closest I came to amusingly bizarre enquiries were “What is the magma carter?”, “Why is Gavin a brony?” and “What is mattyb’s cell phone number (I love mattyb)?”, the latter of which was so inane I couldn’t resist responding with my own phone number but alas have received no correspondence for mattyb as of yet.

Reaching $20 doesn’t sound like much but can seem an insurmountable, Sisyphean task when you’re on $11 and each question is only adding 2 cents to your wallet, sometimes not even registering, and other times you’ll answer that beef comes from cows and Weegy will yell “WRONG!” and knock 3 bucks off your total. Eventually however, in the wee hours of this morning, I got there:


I’ll wait to see if my earnings dribble into my PayPal come early February before giving my overall assessment of this scheme but, spoiler alert, I think there’s a reason this site isn’t very popular. I’ve only been a part of the Weegy society a fortnight and already I’m 6th on their list of top ranked experts:


As for my other distractions, I’ve sprinkled around the corners of the Web some freelance alternatives to Scheme #8: Hire out your services as a mateScheme #27: Pretend to cry at a stranger’s funeralScheme #65: Look young and buy booze. Interestingly the only one to garner any response is my availability as rented giref, with emails from ‘Scription’ asking me if I was serious, Sue informing me “you are a strange person”, but lovely Jo actually asking me for my rates for a nearby funeral and wake!

I scrambled together some research on Rent A Mourner for an idea of what I should charge Jo, and in doing so found Envisage Promotions offer a very similar service. They also specialise in actors, models, etc which tickles the as of yet unexplored Scheme #56: Become a film or TV extra, and whilst someday I will spend a full blog post on that particular scheme I signed up with Envisage regardless to expand the net of interments with empty seats I might get paid to attend. Unfortunately I was trying to complete my profile with multiple tabs up (including Googling Lego Batman to confirm my suspicions that Michael Cera was voicing Lego Robin which elicited the biggest Qmee hit so far, 13p for a click!) whilst handling Weegy questions about “what causes lightining” and hence inexplicably included a link about why storm clouds are grey as part of my Envisage application. They must have thought that made me lugubriously kooky however as I learned today my request to be on their books was successful.

Also throughout the past few days I’ve been feverishly checking the Double Dog dare app for any challenges which could bag me money, although sadly the only dares I can find have been for worthless ‘bones’ tokens. It was this afternoon that eventually, finally, I stumbled across a dare someone was willing to pay cash money for. Coincidentally it was from Robert who ruined a Sunday of mine earlier in the month by making me bumble around on the hunt for guitars, and this time his request was even more unforgiving: “Video yourself shaving off an eyebrow.”

Now there was no way I was doing that for one dollar – my eyebrows are hearty bushels like those sat atop the stern frown of a Russian chess Grandmaster, things to be proud of – but I suspected Robert wouldn’t perform the same even for $2 so I Double Dared him back, smug with my plan. Aggravatingly Robert replied almost instantly with a photo of himself with just the one eyebrow (I would attach this image but I’m ashamed to say I deleted it in petty rage). I argued that the dare demanded video footage of him shaving the eyebrow clean off, it was taken to trial and voted on by other Double Dog users, and they sided with Robert! I’d lost my $2!! And to add insult to poverty, Rob snidely informed me afterwards that he’d had that brow shaved off for weeks now. He’d essentially cheated, so I called him a knob, and that’s when the aforementioned deletion of our interaction occurred.

I sulked to Tesco to buy some wine to drown my Double Dog miseries, sweeping up the discarded receipts at the self-service checkouts as I went, all good food for my ReceiptHog. The Tesco workers get surprisingly funny about you doing this, and I had the bearded employee on duty staring at me as I collected stranger’s receipts like I’d just ripped the head off a dove.

A pub crawl would have satisfactorily taken my mind off losing money to one-brow knob Rob, but I’d need 3 times my current get-rich-scheme income just to afford a cup of milk in a Wetherspoons, so I came home tonight, opened my wine and looked into how I could get someone to pay me to take them on a bar crawl. The closest my list stretched to was Scheme #25: Become a tour guide, achievable via Vayable which allows you to offer yourselves as a hospitable and accommodating guide in your home town. Mine:


For just $20 each tourists to the South coast of England can pay to follow me around pubs and buy me scotch! I think this is my favourite scheme of the list so far.


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